the fall of a king...

i was driving home from work last night when i heard the news that Michael Jackson, the King of Pop himself, had suffered a cardiac arrest. less than an hour later they announced his death. it was a tragedy that his life ended so early, he was only 50 yrs old. this man, despite all the accusations and oddities of the later years in his life, had the ability to create masterpieces for our minds and ears. it's sad to say he's gone, but he left his thumbprint on the world with his music and for that he will always be remembered.

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it's friday. i'm still so tired. what's new...

i remember a time when i used to be happy, when the world was my canvas, mine to paint and create. i miss the innocence of being a child, of not having any worries, and the days when mom & dad could fix everything. the comfort of being in their arms and a kiss made the world a better place, it was as if they had magical powers. its still nice to get a hug and a kiss from them, yet somehow they've lost their "magic" to heal every hurt and bruise that i come across in my life. i thank you mom and dad for all the magic you've showered on me over the years!

i watched my nephew Reese last night while my sister and brother-in-law went to a retirement party. that little boy brightens up even the ugliest of my days. he's always doing something to make me laugh. he's such a perfect little person with not only a beautiful face, but also a beautiful soul.

since dad was out of town for Father's Day, we're celebrating it with him tomorrow night. not quite sure where we're going to eat just yet, but i'm sure it'll be something delectible!

my younger cousin is getting married in a few months; going to one of her showers tomorrow...oh how i'm looking forward to it, NOT! please don't get me wrong because i'm really happy for her, i am...but the jealousy i feel for her getting married before me overrides the happy. it's not fair. life isn't fair. is there some rule that i'm not aware of that says "if you want something bad enough, you just won't get it"? seriously though, i don't think theres another human being who wants to be married with a family as bad as i do. everyone says enjoy being single while you can, this is YOUR time. well you know what? i've had 27 yrs of MY time and i'm tired of the solitude. doing everything alone isn't all its cracked up to be. i'm ready to share "my time" with someone else. apparently what i want for me isn't coinciding with what God wants for me. so what is it that He wants for/from me anyway, because i'm not seeing it. what is His plan for Rachel? i'm floundering here, i need a push and a shove in the right direction because i'm so completely lost its not even funny.

whew! settle down sister, take it easy...i think i better stop blogging for now.

later.