I'm 27 yrs old and I have a good job, they really take care of me where I'm at, but I'm just not satisfied. Is this what being an adult is all about, settling for something average/mediocre just to survive? Don't get me wrong, I know that I have a lot (i.e. a wonderful family, a job, a car, a house, etc...) but there are things in life that I feel like I'm missing out on. I want a job that I actually enjoy and can't wait to get to. I want a husband and a family of my own. I want to be financially stable (and thensome).
I want to do something in music (sing) or art, sans teaching...but how do you find the cool jobs and be successful in these industries without being "famous"?
I'd love to sing but I tend to hold myself back because of my weight. Why do I do that you ask? Because the media & masses flock to skinny like white on rice. It's more "appealing" if a pretty voice comes from a pretty package...and well, I just don't fit the typical popular package. So what do I do? Instead of allowing others to douse me with their negativity, I drown myself in my own, instead of fixing the issue. I somehow lack the motivation and devotion one needs to lose weight and keep it off. It'll be a miracle if I ever get & stay under 200 lbs.
I also blame my weight as the reason I've never had a serious, meaningful relationship. After so many years of rejection and never knowing what it's like to be "in-love", you have to wonder why? Is there something wrong with me? Am I a mutant that's just incapable of being wanted & loved? All I want is one, ONE, man out of the bajillion on this planet to pick me to spend the rest of their lives with. Someone who shares the same hopes and dreams as me, someone who wants to create life with me (yes, I mean children). So I'm 27 and so completely far from skinny its not even funny so we'll just call ourselves "fat", and the majority of my friends and family are married (with children), engaged, or are in a committed/serious relationship. Let me tell you how much fun it is to watch everyone around you experience life while you sit on the sidelines waiting your turn...a turn that isn't guaranteed...
UGH!!!
I'm just ready for new pages and chapters to begin and old ones to end in my life.
Perhaps I won't always rant on here. Perhaps I'll occasionally have that rare "happy" day and enlighten you with something uplifting...but as for this very hour of this very day...I'm one sad, lost, and confused Rae, and i just need to rant.
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I think this is a great project. Sometimes you can feel better once you write everything you're feeling. You know I am here for you whenever you need me. I pray everday for you... you are a beautiful person in and out- you are an amazing friend and I know there is someone wonderful for you to share your qualities with. Okay. So I went on a rant. Sorry. Love ya!
ReplyDeleteSaster, I don't know what else to say or do for you other than what I've already said and try to constantly do. I love you unconditionally and I will gladly support you in whatever you choose to do. Like Kristin said you are beautiful inside and out and you have a lot to offer someone. I, too, pray for you daily. You have to quit making up people's minds for them and just try to be happy being you. I LOVE YOU!
ReplyDeleteI agree with everything Leah and Kristin said, but I know no one can "make" you believe it. You have to believe it yourself and be ok with you. And you're right, you do have a lot of good things going for you in your life. As cheesy as it sounds, focus on the positive. Otherwise, you won't be able to see the small things that make the big things meaningful. THIS IS YOUR TIME. You won't always have it (just ask Leah or any other parent/husband/wife/love), so enjoy it for all it's worth.
ReplyDeletei know everyone thinks i should focus on myself but focusing on myself is all i do, and nothing but negative comes from it. i need to focus on someone else for a change and get my mind of of Rachel and what's so wrong/bad in her life. i appreciate and love you all! thank you for believing in me. hope you all are right that someone will come my way someday...i just hope its sooner than later. *fingers crossed*
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